Ack!! I forgot to post favorite photo friday. So here it is with a quick post.
This is my hands down FAVORITE thing that I saw at CHA Summer this week. It is called Bubber and it is distributed by the same people that sell Moon Sand. It is really hard to explain. It is this smooth soft silicone stuff that you can mold into shapes. It never dries out. It is easy to clean up. Kind of like Play-Do without the mess.
Did I say that I love this stuff? They just had it sitting out in these big bins and let you play with it. I could have stayed there for hours! Apparently it is also used in rehabilitation and occupational therapy. The picture just does not do it justice. You really just need to get some and play with it. WHICH I DID!
CHA Summer is a wholesale trade show, so there is no retail selling during the show. This year, however, they have added 2 days to the show and are calling the the CHA Craft Super Show. Since I had to take Cameron to the airport anyway, I stopped by the retail show - just to get this!
I bought 3 containers that will eventually retail in places like Target and Michael's for about $10-$12. One container for each boy. But you know who is playing with it right now!!!
While in London, I indulged my obsession with paper, patterns, print and words by stopping by a card shop at the Kensington High Street tube station. I was looking for anything that caught my eye or seemed particularly English (that's for you, Mark). How could I pass this one up? I also collected another one that said "So You Are Leaving? Well Piss Off Then" and another that simply said "Shit."
So that is the humorous part of this post. The rest is going down hill, so you might just want to click away.
I can finally say that I am seeing some light, but I am still so very sad. I am having such a hard time readjusting to life post-London. I started organizing the video I took over there and I had to stop because it made me cry. I didn't really expect this. Like I said in my last post, I'm trying to process and reconcile it all.
I'm sad because being away made me realize how miserable I am in my life right now. Okay, "miserable" is too strong a word. How about unhappy?
Remember last year when my "one little word" was BLOOM, as in bloom where you are planted? That was so on target for me. I have made choices in my life that caused me to be planted in my current situation. I have so little patience for people who sit around and say "life is awful" but won't do anything to change it. If I have planted myself here, then I will do what it takes to be happy and satisfied here. I choose to bloom.
But being in London, having that all too brief taste of freedom and fun, reminded me that I don't like where I am planted and I am forcing myself to bloom.
Now I overanalyze a lot. I promise you that I look at everything six ways to Sunday. I am well aware that my time in London is not what real life would be like if I lived there and didn't have a husband and kids. My trip was a fairytale where I was treated like a princess. I did whatever I wanted. I indulged in everything. I spent loads of money. I am not silly enough to think that that could continue.
But the contrast between that and my life here is causing a lot of pain at the moment. I love my husband. I love my children. That is why I came back. I have committed to them and I will not let them down. I will not run away. I will not leave them. I will not give up on them or my life. I will continue to give them my very, very best.
But, oh God, I hate the crushing responsibility of it all. I hate consulting and considering four other people when making decisions. I hate making decisions! I hate putting everything and everybody's needs ahead of my own. I hate wondering "What if?" I hate Orlando. I hate making lunches and dinner. I hate helping with homework. I hate watching Cole struggle and witnessing his pain. I hate making the best of a bad situation. I hate blooming!
I've got to pull it all back together and squash this rebellion in me. My situation will not change for at least another ten years. And who knows how much it will change then? Actually, I don't want it to change because that would mean a life without Gary or my kids and I DON'T WANT THAT. I've just got to get used to it again.
I wonder if it is kind of like a solider at war who has gotten a furlough to come home for a week. Home is great. People are happy to see him. Special parties are given for him. He gets to eat home cooking and all his favorite foods. He gets spend time with the people that he loves - people that he misses so much when he is gone. He gets to watch TV and control the remote!
But then he has to go back to the base. He must leave what he loves to return to what he hates. He must submit to authority. He must experience the horror and fear that is war. How does he do it?
He must just readjust. I guess because even war and all that bad stuff has its good moments. Maybe he takes comfort in the few benefits. Sure he would rather be home, but he has made friends in his unit. He is constantly seeing and learning new things. He readjusts because has made a commitment. He has no other choice. He has to honor his contract. He has to complete his tour of duty and make it out alive.
So there you have it internet. I have just compared my life to that of a soldier fighting in Iraq. And that, people, has made me laugh out loud! Could I be any more self-centered???
See, I told you the light is starting to shine though the clouds. I am readjusting.
I thought of these words today and they resonated with me. "To everything there is a season." Then I remembered that Bruce Springsteen has sung those words, too. It was here in Orlando when Roger McGuinn came on stage to perform "Turn, Turn, Turn" with him. You can download the video from iTunes if you would like to see it. It seems almost too connected not to take it to heart.
I also read this entry and this entry from one of my favorite blogs and felt better knowing that I am not the only mother to ever feel that all this work might not be greatest thing I ever do. Motherhood and marriage is hard and sometimes it totally sucks.
*edited* Check out my new link on the right to subscribe to my photography newsletter. No newsletter yet, but what comes first, the newsletter or the subscribers?*
I know you must be tired of my posts about how busy I am. I mean isn't everybody crazy busy? Well, the past four weeks for me have been a giant pressure cooker. I didn't really realize how hard it had been until Thursday, which marked the end of my trial by fire as Parent Club President. Seriously after our first Parent Club meeting on Thursday, I felt like I had been hit by a truck.
Don't get me wrong. Everything went really well at the meeting. As a matter of fact, Mrs. Stroup (our Head of School) said that it was the best meeting she had ever been to - fun and energetic. But after 'Meet Your Teacher" (of which I was completely in charge), a Board of Trustees meeting, 2 open houses and the first meeting, I felt this giant release of stress flow from my body. I'll be Parent Club President throughout the rest of the school year, but the big, major things are over for me.
Let's not forget that during the past 4 weeks, school has started, football (both flag and FSU) has started, I celebrated my 40th birthday (hosted my own party), mourned my friend, took care of two sick kids requiring 3 doctor visits and 2 x-rays and had the interior of my house painted. Oh yeah and my tennis league started playing matches.
So, what did I do Thursday afternoon and all day Friday? Nothing. I took a nap. I bought new shoes for tennis. I worked on a flag that I am making for Luke and Jack's football team. I watched Martha Stewart, Project Runway and Oprah.
I didn't do laundry. I didn't cook dinner. I made Luke unload the dishwasher.
I didn't even have time to shop ...even online!
So I made up for that today. I indulged some of my passions (strange obsessions, perhaps???) and did a little bidding on ebay.
I won this
It is a type tray that used to hold letter plates for letterpress. Have I mentioned my fixation on letterpress? Love it. Love to run my fingers over it. Want my own letterpress.
What am I going to do with this you ask? Hang it on the wall and fill it with photos, bits of paper and all sorts of crap and nonsense.
I also hope I win this:
It is an eleven inch woodtype antique letterpress letter H. Another decoration for my wall.
*edited - I didn't win this! Uhrgggg!*
Then I headed over to a favorite scrapbooking site to order another love of mine - paper. Yes, I know that I have stacks and stacks of paper goodness, but they were offering free shipping! Besides, it feeds my fantasy of making all sorts of Christmas crafty things that I never have time to do.
I bought this because my new love is the color gray with mustard yellow. I am going to use these colors on my new photography website. Also notice the luscious orange that makes me salivate
I also, bought this collection for its fantastic graphic goodness
Remember my chocolate brown, light blue and red Christmas cards last year? Love that combination. I bought a few other things, but I am too embarrassed to show you.
Speaking of photography, I also uploaded three photos to be considered for jury and show at the Center for Fine Art Photography in Colorado. The exhibit is called Art in Nature and I really only had one image that I thought qualified. But since my entry fee included 3 photographs, I found 2 others from our ski trip to Breckenridge last January that I submitted.
Kal Barteski I am an artist of life. I create in paint, words, colours, letters and design. I am the principal designer at iDeaMonsters and the creator of LoveLife... all in chilly Winnipeg, Manitoba CANADA www.ideamonsters.com & www.love-life.ca