Duct Tape & WD-40

Another Lesson In Photography

Recently I rented a Canon wide angle 10-17 lens from a fun place called ZipLens. I decided to rent this lens because I have been itching to have one, but it is really a very specialized lens and it cost about $800. With ZipLens, I could try it out and see if I really loved it $800 worth (although with the cost of the rental, buying it would be about $900 - but who's counting????). And I DID. I really, really did! It is not an everyday lens, but travel and art photography could be super fun (did I really just write super fun?).

What is a wide angle lens, you ask?  Well it is just what it says. It allows the camera to capture a lot of stuff in a little space. Like today, I was photographing the Ponce Inlet Lighthouse, and I could get the full 175 foot structure in one shot. It is also fun to play with vanishing point and perspective.

"That sounds great! Why wouldn't every camera have a wide angle lens?" you ask.

Well because there is always some distortion especially around the edges of the frame.  Like some of my lighthouse photos look like the lighthouse has a tilt not unlike the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa. Also, the lens flattens things out, so it is confusing about the foreground and the background.

Here I will show you exactly what I mean.

 

*edited: photo deleted*

Later on that day at the beach, the Universe gave me a gift. It said, "So you want to use that wide angle lens? Well take a picture of this."

So I did.  You can't get that with your Sony point and shoot.

This Is Why I Love Taking Pictures

I love taking pictures because every now and then you get a really good one.  A photo that makes me tingle and say "Yes! That is exactly what I was trying to acheive." It is a rush of adrenaline that makes me feel like I do have some talent. Because I am always worried that I am not really very good and tell myself that even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes - meaning, if you take enough pictures, one is bound to turn out good.

Last night I took the boys fishing from a pier on the Intracoastal Waterway. This photo is not so much about the memory. I spent most of my time fixing gear. We were eaten up by bugs.

This photo is about the composition. I love the lines of the railing and the perpendicular lines of the floor boards. Love how the lines meet the horizon. LOVE the 3 lens flares where the sun is and reflecting off the water. The position of Jack and the flares is perfect. Love that Jack is looking straight into the camera while Luke is diligently working in the background. Love the diagonal of the fishing pole that almost looks like Jack's fishing line produced those lens flares.

If I could go back and change anything, I would used a fill flash, because the foreground is a little dark.

Swooning over this Canon wide angle lens that I rented.  I only have it for less than a week so this weekend will be a photo safari.

She Has My Hair!

Me and SJP, we are like this (imagine my crossed fingers).

This movie could not have come at a better time for me. I am turning forty in 3 months.  I am about 91% okay with that. I think I really had my age crisis when I turned thirty. But a little part of me, especially in the hyper-anxious state I have been in, is a little melancholy. I was starting to worry about missing (as in it's been gone a long time) my "youth" and either forever chasing it or forever feeling sad that it is gone. Well this movie celebrated women and celebrated aging. I learned that I have at least another ten even twenty years of hotness (is that a word?) coming my way and I am so glad I am no longer young and stupid.

It was a great big wad of fantasy and wealth and another bonk on the head to always stay true to yourself.

Any yes, SJP has always had my big hair, it is just fashionable again.  She even wore it in a ponytail most of the time! I was supposed to get my roots done on Thursday, but now I don't know. Carrie has her roots showing all the time.  Of course, Carrie also wore a bird veil on her head to her wedding, so I am thinking I might just get the roots taken care of after all.

*********************************

In other news, in case you can't tell my recovery is still going well.  Last post, I promised to write about the words I always wanted to hear.  So here it goes.

One day I was dropping Cole off late for school and I ran into another mom. She said to me, "I got your e-mail about your summer photography sessions at the beach. I don't know how you do it. You must have more hours in the your day than I do. Three kids, parent club president, photographer. How do you get it all done?"

I was speechless. I don't even remember how I replied. I was just dumbstruck. I can't even explain how I have wanted to hear those words. Truly, it is right up there with "Eat a candybar you skinny bitch!" and "No way are you a day over___ (at least 5 years younger than my real age)."

You see, sometime during my adolescence, my dad labeled me as "lazy" and I believed him.  At the time, that may have been true, but please refer to a few paragraphs ago when I wrote about being young and stupid. Dad still thinks I am lazy and apparently I do, too. I have probably spent the last eighteen years of my life trying to prove that I am NOT lazy.

When I told my dad that I was elected Parent Club president, he quipped "I thought you would say 'what?? that sounds like too much work!'"

Now, I know that I will never change in the eyes of my father. I could be homeschooling all of my ten children while working the farm and running a southern baptist church out of my home and I will still be lazy.  I could be a running a multi-billion dollar corporation working 300 hours a week and he would still find fault. I've known this for quite a while, yet I can't stop trying to get that approval. I can't get that "I'm lazy" label off my back.

So, of course, I have to let go of all that and be proud of myself because I have almost run myself and my marriage into the ground trying to not be "lazy."

It is just a little harder for me to do that because I see my dad a lot. He is always around to voice his disapproval and it takes a seriously strong self esteem to take that kind of continuous beating. I might have to have a little refresher professional therapy. But, a big step is identifying the problem - it is all my dad's fault (totally kidding!! mostly).

No doubt thirty years from now all 3 of my boys will be lying on someone's couch complaining about the terrible things that their mom continues to do to them! Cole will be upset that I held him back a year in school.  Luke will never forget the time I told him that the next time he did (something I am not going to say to protect his privacy) I would tell all of his friends (words I wish I could just gulp back into my mouth). And Jack will blame me for being diabetic since I could never say no to his ravenous sweet tooth. All these reasons for a difficult adult life and they are not even teenagers yet!

Coming up soon - trying to figure out why I am so angry inside.

I Got Elected Prom Queen (the recovery continues)

Right now, Sharon is cleaning up the kitchen and sweeping these eternally dirty tile floors at this condo. The boys and I are getting ready to hit the beach.

Okay, remember when I told you that I had some news that was going to make you fall off your chair laughing? Well empty that bladder because I am about to tell you. Are you back? Okay.

I got elected President of my kid's school Parents Club. That is right. Me. These people think that I am a good parent and responsible enough to lead their organization and be a member of the school's Board of Directors. Sometimes, when I think about it after a few beers I laugh until I cry.

I am the Mom who was so happy about this that I took a picture of it.

Yes! A liquor store within walking distance of my house! Some people would protest this, but I did a little dance and took a picture.

I am also the mother who once uttered these words to my eldest child, "If you throw that up (his dinner) I will make you eat the vomit off your plate."

If any of you knew me in college, you would be quite concerned about the state of our school. If you had told me twenty years ago that I would have three children and be PTA president I would have spit out my shot of Gold Schlager. Then I would have killed you and myself.

I have become the thing I dreaded the most!  Only it is ok. It is just fine and quite frankly, I am pretty honored.

So when I told Gary of my newly elected position, he shakes his head in disbelief.

"Why did you say you would do that?" he asked. "You are always complaining about how overwhelmed and overworked you are!"

But, since I had made my discovery about my time and where it goes, I was able to answer him this.

"I'm doing it because I WANT to do it. I DON'T want to fold your underwear.  I DO want to be very involved in Cole's last year at this school. That is why Sharon is here.  So I can spend my time with my boys and she can take the dog to the vet."

Ah, off to the ocean and healing salty breeze.  More to come, including "I finally heard the words I have always wanted to hear."

Starting to Recover

Okay ya'll here is some words about what has been going on in my life. I have to start all of this by saying that I know that I am so truly blessed.  I have several friends who are just going through some horrible crap, so I know that I have no right to whine and complain. Yet, here I am about to sound whiny. What can I say, Luke must get it from my genes.

I have just been completely ragged out.  So tired. So overwhelmed.  So ANGRY. When I see myself in the video (coming soon) I shot at the adults only weekend at St. Teresa Beach Memorial Day Weekend I look downright haggard.

If you know me, you know that I have been analyzing this from every angle and upside down. I'm not going to go into everything in this post because it would be way too long. And ya'll would be all "what reality show reruns are on TV? Because this is silly and boring."

So I will start with the first thing and add more later. Then you can check back regularly to marvel at my self absorbed prattle.

Meet Sharon.  She is my new personal assistant.  She takes care of such things as laundry and grocery shopping and starting dinner when I don't feel like it.  While we are at it, Sharon make the perfect Cosmopolitan - a nice light pink color with just the right amount of Cointreau.

I should probably tell you that Sharon does not exist - yet.

You see, one day while angrily thinking of my husband, I decided to write down everything I did for an entire day.  "This will show him."  I thought.  "Now he will know exactly what I am doing up at 12:30 a.m. (wrapping teacher gifts for end of school) while he is sleeping."

So I wrote down everything. I wrote how long it took me at the grocery store and what I bought. I wrote how long it took me to drive someplace. How long it took to shower. I wrote down everything. At the end of the day, I was so surprised, I decided to keep writing for two more days (just to make sure it wasn't a fluke and I was truly getting a random sample.). I never gave Gary the list, although I still might if needed. It provided, however, incredible information for me.

I realized that everything I do takes a lot of time. You know how at the end of the day your husband asks you what you did and you say, "Well I went to the grocery store and then to the doctor. Then I picked up the kids and folded the laundry that has been sitting on the couch for a week."  That little sentence summed up an entire day and it really doesn't seem like much. But man it took the whole day!

No wonder I couldn't get the living room ready for the new wood floors or even clean out my closet. When was I supposed to do this?  Much less work on any of my art, scrapbooking or photography.

I had been way too hard on myself.

So I decided that I need help.  Only, I don't really want a nanny.  There are things on my daily list that I enjoy doing and most of them involve my kids.  I like volunteering at my boy's school. I like going on field trips with them.  I don't want anyone to take care of my kids.  I want someone to take care of everything else.  Gary hit it right on the head.  I need a wife!

Then guilt set in. How can I say I need help? There are women who work three jobs just to feed their kids. There are single moms of six kids. My own sister raised four kids without any help. Who was I to get help? I can do it just like them. 

Then the Universe bonked me on the head.

Seriously, I heard this voice say "So... you're not getting help out of some kind of solidarity with hard working women everywhere? Are they here thanking you for your martyrdom? No. If all of the women in world were here they would say that you are an idiot. If they could afford help, they would be all over that. If Leesa could have paid for help all those years, you bet she would have gotten it." All of a sudden, it seemed so funny that I laughed out loud.

So, I made up my imaginary Sharon.  I wanted to make sure that I had enough for another person to do all time or if I just need someone to come in and take care of some things on like a one or two time basis.

Now you will hear me say, "Oh Sharon will take care of that." I know that Gary is watching closely to see that I still understand that Sharon is not real - yet!

That's all for now.  Stay tuned for next chapters of my recovery - "The Past Rears Its Ugly Head" and "It's All My Parent's Fault".