Duct Tape & WD-40

THE FAMILY MEMBER

This is a story about the second horror of January. This one is a tricky story to tell because I have to change the names and the details. I don’t want to change the names and the details. The star of this story is not innocent. I think this person deserves to be outed to the entire world. I believe that everyone should know the truth about this person.  But, out of respect for people that I love dearly, the same people that love this person dearly, I will try to hide this person’s true identity. From this point on, this person will be known as THE FAMILY MEMBER.

About the same time that we learned of Cole’s diagnosis, we received a call from THE FAMILY MEMBER.  Like Cole’s diagnosis, it wasn’t a complete surprise.  We knew this was coming for a while.

THE FAMILY MEMBER was completely out of money.  THE FAMILY MEMBER was on the verge of losing everything and was calling on the Hudson family government for a bailout. THE FAMILY MEMBER requested a bailout package of almost $8,000.  Oh and something in THE FAMILY MEMBER’S house (the same house that was receiving threatening letters from the bank) needed to be replaced at a cost of about $3,500. 

Unlike the United States government, the Hudson family government was not just going to write a blank check. The Hudson family government could not afford to write a check The Hudson family government knew that THE FAMILY MEMBER would just keep coming back for another bailout.  The Hudson family was going to have to do a government take-over.

How did THE FAMILY MEMBER get into such a dire situation? Well, I can’t really tell you.  I will honestly tell you that it was not drugs or alcohol.  Let’s just say it is something like a gambling addiction.  (It is NOT a gambling addiction.) You know how a gambler keeps chasing that one big win.  He loves the high he gets from winning and can’t stop gambling to get it? Well this is very very similar to it.

I was upset about now having to support THE FAMILY MEMBER.  I was enraged at the position THE FAMILY MEMBER was putting my husband in.

Since my boys were born, I have occasionally experienced what I call the “momma lion syndrome.”  If you have kids, you have probably experienced it, too.  When you perceive a threat to your family, you find nerve and resolve to defend it at any cost.  This liberal pacifist could turn into a murdering lunatic to protect what I love. (Now they can use this post against me at my murder trial!)

Now I don’t need to kill anyone, but there is a definite threat to my family.  My husband is so sad and stressed out about THE FAMILY MEMBER.  This is really all my dear, single tasking man can handle. He is facing a sobering truth about someone he truly respected and admired.

He is dealing with this, when I really need him to be a part of the team that helps Cole. I can’t do it on my own. Yet right now, I feel like this is all on my shoulders.

Well, it’s March now and things are sorting themselves out. So far, THE FAMILY MEMBER bailout is going better than expected. The problem won’t go away anytime soon, but Gary and I agree on the way to handle it.  We are trying to limit our exposure.

And that’s all I am going to say about that.

Probably one last short post on the January horrors and then I will put that awful month behind me. In the mean time, I am getting ready for my trip to London next week.  Don’t worry. I’ll have my phone, laptop and of course, camera with me, so it will be like you are going right along, too. Free wi-fi at my hotel – can I hear a wOOt!

The Mullet

Research shows that blog readers really want to see photos with posts.  Since my last post was pretty intense, and the next one will be even more so, I have decided to insert a little levity with... a photo.

I give you - the mullet.

I snapped this on a recent trip to Silver Springs with our family. I am pixilating this little boy's (yes, it is a boy) because it is not his fault that his mother has saddled him with the biggest, most shameful mullet since Billy Ray Cyrus in the 90s. And I know it is his mother that has fostered this do because her hair is styled the EXACT SAME WAY.

Bless his poor little Achy Breaky Heart.

A Story of AS From a Neurotypical Mom

We got the diagnosis on January 8th. My oldest son, Cole, has Asperger's Syndrome. (You can learn more about it here or here.) I can't say it was a surprise.  Afterall, we put him through two days of diagnostic testing and a month of evaluation. I guess I was just surprised at the firmness of the diagnosis. It wasn't "it looks like he might have" or "it could be" it was "93% positive for Asperger's Syndrome."

I started crying about half-way through the results appointment with the two specialists. The first tears were tears of relief. Extreme relief. We knew there was something wrong since Cole was 4 years old. We've been chasing diagnosis' and treating symptoms. Now we finally knew.

The tears were tears of relief because now I knew it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't damage him. I'm not a bad mom because sometimes he drives me crazy.

I cried out of relief that now we could start on a course of truly helping Cole.

I cried for the next two weeks.

Tears from memories of times that I have yelled at him or punished him for things he could not control. Tears that my firstborn has a medical issue that will affect him the rest of his life. Tears from the knowledge that his life will be more difficult and he will have to work so much harder than "normal" (Aspie's call us neurotypical) people.

My tears were tears of fear. Fear that I would not be able to be what he needs me to be. Fear that I will not be strong enough.

Finally, I cried tears of GRATITUDE. We so blessed and lucky. If he has to have this disorder, he's got two parents that will do whatever it takes to get him the help he needs. Two parents that will become AS experts. And while we are not rich, he has two grandparents that will spend their very last penny to be sure that he is getting the very best care and treatment. 

So now, I am on my way to becoming an expert. I am assembling a team of the best professionals to treat Cole. He is already complaining about going to appointment after appointment. I think I have found a school that can meet his needs. 

I've stopped crying.

I stopped crying because he is still Cole. He hasn't changed. He is very high functioning. It took us seven years to get a diagnosis! The tests that he took also show that he is very gifted. This is not atypical of of an Asperger's Syndrome child. Many gifted children with AS grow up to be extremely successful. They become doctors and lawyers and bankers. It has been said that Bill Gates has AS.

Life for Cole is going to get more difficult in middle school and high school. His college years and later, however, should greatly improve. He is likely to find other AS friends who understand and accept him. I believe that even without treatment, he would be okay. Everything we do from this point on will just make his life better and easier.

So there it is. The beginning of the worst January ever.  Stay tuned, it just keeps getting worse.

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I gave it a lot of thought before I put Cole's diagnosis on the internet. I know once it is out, it can't be taken back. I finally decided to talk about it because it is nothing to be ashamed of. Asperger's Syndrome is a recognized neurobiological disorder. Perhaps now that people know about it, they will cut him a little slack. Perhaps eventually I can help other mothers that are going through what I am going through.

Please know, however, that I will always protect Cole's privacy. When I write about him, it will only be in the way that his disorder effects ME. I will not write about specific events. Everything I write will always go through the filter of "will this hurt or embarrass Cole?" and "is it okay if every single person in the whole world knows about this?" and "if Cole reads this will he be mortified?"

Oh Look, It's Her Birthday!

This is my sister, Leesa.

She was probably about five or six in this picture. She's looking so cute in her sailor dress.

This is her high school graduation photo, in the flower of her youth.

Most people don't even know that I have a sister. That's because after this photo was taken she ran away and joined the circus. Our family disowned her when she fell in love with bearded woman and moved to Massachusetts where they could legally marry.

Okay, that's not true.

After this photo was taken, she moved to Mumbai where she was horribly disfigured in a tiger attack. Don't worry about her though. She won a million dollars playing the Indian version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire and married her childhood sweetheart. 

No, that's not true either. It's a cool story - could probably win an Oscar or something.

Most of my friends don't know about my sister because she is WAY, WAY, WAY older than me.  She's like nine and a half years older. Which makes her really old now. Old.

We weren't really close when we were growing up. We were always at such different places in our lives. It's almost like were each an only child. She had my parents all to herself the first nine years of her life. I had my parents to myself the second nine years of my life, after she went to college and then got married. If you think about it, we sort of had different parents and childhoods, too.

Her parents were young. She was the first born, the new baby. They were learning to be parents with her. By the time I came along, my parents were seasoned veterans. They had been through it before with Leesa, so they kind of knew what to expect.

Leesa grew up in Tennessee with my big extended family. I grew up in Florida with our little family of three.

But now that we've, um, matured... we have so much more in common. She has four children and I have three. She has mellowed and so have I. Life has taught us both a lot of lessons.

I feel like after all of these years, I finally have a sister. Someone I can call when I need to talk. Someone I can tease and laugh with. I'm so glad that I have a sister.

I just hope she never finds out that she was adopted.

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Leesa, a birthday song for you.

Happy birthday to you.

Now stop feeling blue.

Just go out and party.

Now you're an old farty.

Hello March, Hello Internet

I've been gone for a month! Not gone from home - just gone from the internet. I have been recovering. Recovering from JANUARY! Yes internet, I have just experienced THE WORST JANUARY EVER!

I had to change my fearLESS banner. I think God took it as a dare. Like "So you think you are going to worry less?  Well how about now? and now? and now?"

I try to stay optimistic and keep a positive attitude. In that spirit, I can honestly say that I am so grateful that no one is dead or seriously ill and Gary's job seems stable. I am so thankful for that. When I say that it was the worst January ever, well it could have been so much worse. But when you are going through something, it can be hard to keep that perspective.

It was not one big horrible thing that happened. It was more like a bad thing, then another bad thing, then another bad thing, then the final bad thing (although you don't know it is the final one until the whole thing is over).

But ahhhh...... February. Things settled down in February. No more bad news. I was able to get enough distance from the bad things that they no longer seemed impossible. Actually, when I look back on things now I somehow think "Why was I so freaked out?" But I am talking from distance and perspective now, internet. 20/20 hindsight they say.

I don't like to be Debbie Downer on my blog. Who wants to read about someone whining about their life? I want to be witty. I want to be informative. I want to write things in such a way that when I read them over in a few years, everything look so much better than it actually was.

Oh stop judging! We all do it. How many photos do you have of your kid's first birthday? How many photos do you have of your grandmother's funeral? 'Nuff said.

Anyway, in the next few days I will blog about a couple of things that happened in January. Not because I am trying to be more honest about the past. (By the way, forgetting the bad things in the past make it so much easier to forgive.) The things I will blog about are things that are going to effect my future. They are now a big part of my life and I can't just ignore them here.

So, I am back. I am writing. I am taking pictures. I am creating AND I am getting ready to go on a trip to London! Woot! Woot!