Yes, slowly. One step at a time. The New Year has brought new beginnings for me. It has brought a desire to get things done and get rid of s**t that has been hanging over my head. Speaking of over my head, I have several blog posts just rattling around in there. I just haven't had the time to update. One day (I bet it is not that far away) I will be able to just plug the internet into my brain and upload my thoughts. Then again, that could be kind of scary.
So you just have to look at my banner to find my "one little word" for 2010 - Courage. It is actually a carry over from last year. You see, last year's word was, fearLess, as in less fear. Well, I think the Universe misunderstood my intention. I think it took it as a dare.
Universe: "So she thinks she can have less fear??? Well let's see what she does with THIS! and THIS! and THIS!"
Me: crying, hiding in my bed with the covers over my head.
Some things happened in 2009 that left me beaten and bloody and begging for mercy.
So, in August, Cameron, Anke and I decided that my word definitely had to change. We decided on the word Courage.
Last year I wrote that the word courage should be reserved for women dying of cancer and families torn apart by war. During the year, I learned that courage comes in many different forms.
Courage is searching for IEDs along an Iraqi highway.
Courage is surviving for days after being buried alive in an earthquake.
Courage is going for your second chemotherapy treatment.
Courage is watching your parent's health deteriorate with age.
Courage is finding the best treatment for your special needs child.
Courage is taking control and acting like an adult.
Courage is playing in another tennis match after you have lost 23 MATCHES IN A ROW!
Sometimes, courage is getting out of bed in the morning, even if it is only to take your child to school and return home to go back to bed and stay there until the kids come home.
While I, thankfully, did not suffer from cancer or experience any military action, I did have some real pain. Comparing tragedies and judging levels of suffering is a pointless and silly exercise. The truth is that whatever you are experiencing at any given time is what is most important to you. Knowing that there were people worse off than I was did not make me feel any better. Just as suffering through something "worse" than my neighbor did not make me a martyr. Our problems may be different, but our courage is the same.
This year, I will continue to need courage because I already know of several new challenges that will be coming my way. Somehow, I feel like I will be able to meet them - with courage.
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Still working on my December Daily pages. I WILL get this done! Here is a new one to take a look at:
